I wish we said “fancy” in America. As in, “I fancy you.” It’s such a more agreeable term than “I have a crush on you.”  What’s a crush? Like, I AM A BOA CONSTRICTOR AND I AM GOING TO IMMOBILIZE YOU WITH MY MISPLACED AND OBSESSIVE AFFECTION.  “I fancy you” is like, you’re so shiny and glittery and I just want to put you on a shelf and look at you for a while ‘cause you’re fancy.

(Source: aimmyarrowshigh, via arrogant-bandit)

my grandma just called me in tears because her computer froze and she was in the middle of playing tetris and i talked her down and told her to press the power button until it restarted and she could play another tetris game and she was like “it won’t be the same”

(Source: festivesweaters, via tothefridgeandbeyond)

When Loki first appears on the avengers

le-swoon:

(via loki-in-the-sky-with-diamonds)

i cybered on omegle today You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: wanna cyber
Stranger: Depends are you a girl? ;)
You: ya
Stranger: And okay then, you start?
You: i come into ur bedroom
You: and ur sleeping
You: and i crawl under your blanket
Stranger: I'm still asleep
You: u feel me pulling down ur pants
You: and u wake up and smile
Stranger: I kiss you gently, still sleepy
You: then i smile and open the scissors around your dick and snap them closed
You: cutting off your penis
Stranger: wait
You: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME
Stranger: Then what...?
You: I HATE YOU
Stranger: I didn't cheat
You: you bleed to death in your bed
Stranger: i didn't cheat on you. lets restart ok
You: nobody ever knows what happened
You: i flee to mexico with your Mercedes
You: the end
Stranger: I have a mercedes?
You: not anymore faggot
Your conversation partner has disconnected.

me: i have a bruise
me: i'm going to name you Lee
me:
bruise:
me:
bruise:
me:
bruise:
me: Bruise Lee